


Castiel Novak Hates Angels

by starespressos



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Destiel Halloween Mini Bang 2016, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Halloween, M/M, Past Bullying Mentions, Pining, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starespressos/pseuds/starespressos
Summary: It's time for the annual Halloween masquerade party and Castiel has run out of excuses not to meet his online crush/unrequited love target Dean. But did Dean dress up as an angel just to insult him? He must remember those nights they spent awake with Castiel pouring his heart out of all the horrible, trauma-filled memories he associated with halos and wings, right?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe this is only the first thing I've ever submitted anything to. Uh, so, thanks to my lovely artist bean over [here](http://balthazar.co.vu) and also to people responsible for minibanging, your patience should be rewarded big time.
> 
> I'm not savvy enough to own a beta, so all your typo hate letters can come straight my way ~

Castiel let his gaze slide out the window, filled his lungs so full it hurt and exhaled with a long, pathetic groan. This was it. _This was it._

It would be a lie to claim he'd never thought about this happening; he'd had his fair share of daydreams of Dean and how their eventual meeting would take place. He'd got into some worrisome marathons of rom-coms, chuckled and squealed at the meet-cutes and settled into a ~~n elaborate~~ vague fantasy of him running into Dean in a maple-filled park in summertime when the bees would be buzzing happily and all flowers would bloom but none of them would, of course, compare to his date's divine beauty.

Now the sky was overcast, like it tended to stay in October, flowers were replaced by pumpkins and skeletons and Castiel was _so not ready_. His phone screen was already filling up with notifications of Dean's follow-up question mark spam and he just stood there in his dorm room, staring at the clouds and cursing in silence. Would Gabriel even remember his promise to join them this year? With another sigh, he forced his eyes back on the phone.

He should do this, if not for Gabriel, then for Dean. The guy used to suck at all kinds of writing, but he'd really stepped up his game when he learned that Castiel was studying linguistics (and when Castiel threatened to stop talking to him if he didn't start producing complete sentences).

” _Yes, I'm coming.”_

Dean's reply was instant.

” _AWESOME_.”

Castiel bit his lower lip and let himself fall on the bed that was almost conveniently behind him. Leave it to university dorm rooms to be this small; he had almost no walking space whatsoever and most of the little he had was filled with clothes and books. He'd have to clean this up to find something to wear and this thought made his stress levels get into another internal elevator ride.

 

Every October, Castiel's university collaborated with the local college in throwing a Halloween masquerade party. It was one of the two absolute high points of any school year - the other one obviously being the Grand Holiday Ball thrown around Christmas. It was all anyone could talk about after summer. People were obsessed with costumes; sewing skills and imagination were on high demand, some were putting up sewing services, some were desperately selling their former year's garderobe, some were coordinating with their dates, their friends or their whole class and everything slowly turned into a Battle Royale of who's-allowed-to-wear-what and who's-the-most-outrageous-copycat-this-year. It was frowned upon to wear the same costume as someone else - this was definitely not a time to go buying some devil horns or pointy witch hats or kitty ears from the local store and getting it over with.

That was not what worried Castiel – it was clear that if he put his mind to it and made an outfit himself, similarities with any other outfit would be accidental. Neither was he worried about finding a date, because even though people did go out there with their SO's, it was not required and solo-flying students were not a rare sight. OK, angel costumes worried him a little – there were something hardwired in the deepest pits of his soul that was against those. What worried him most, though, was Dean; his ridiculous crush he had met online three years ago, somehow tricked into being friends with a nerdy introvert that was Castiel and good heavens, it was _finally going to happen_ – no more excuses, they would have to meet. The choice of words ”have to” was unfortunate indeed, but Castiel wasn't particularly looking forward to meeting Dean. He knew himself and so he knew he'd mess this up. He knew what type of a relationship person Dean was and although it might not be a gender-specific one, it neither was the committal one. He'd built and nurtured their text-message-paced relationship for so long it felt devastating to let it come to an end. Dean had asked if Castiel would be there because ”it'd be nice to bump into you”, just casually like that, and Dean obviously had no idea how much feelings Castiel was harboring for him and how much was at stake in this casual bumping. It'd end in heartbreak, that's for sure.

Dean was a student at the collaborating college and, albeit the couple year age difference between them, this was it; next spring they would graduate and move on from this town. Castiel had made plans to join his brother in moving to San Francisco, possibly finding something number-related to work with and settling down to a mediocre life without ever telling Dean how much he ~~loved~~ liked him. The guy was already a bit pissed with Castiel for never meeting up (and agreeing to get coffee once but bailing at the last minute), but of course he had to be annoyingly patient and kind and _understanding_ with him, a damn dream come true.

 

Castiel let himself whine quietly on his bed for a little longer until he finally collected himself and got up from his bed to meet the heaps of clothes and books. He was not a neat person even though his professor-like outfit choices suggested otherwise – he had serious trouble with keeping anything in its designated place. Even though the room was small, it was way better than the alternative that was sharing a space with someone else. His mess was an abomination but at least it was behind his very own door.

He picked up most of the books, placed them in a pile on top of his laptop and folded some clothes into his drawer, throwing the rest into the laundry basket next to the door. Before he could get further into twitching his hands nervously at the sight of an almost clean floor that could no longer keep him procrastinating, his phone rang. It was Gabriel.

”Bro. I'll be outside in five.”

”Why?”

Castiel bit his tongue. His voice came out whinier than he intended.

”Because we're going to buy some stuff for the party and you're coming for a sleepover in which we make an embarrassing montage of you trying out different outfits for tomorrow. OK?”

”I've got homework to do.”

He could actually hear Gabriel rolling his eyes at the lie. Since Castiel was the type to have nothing better to do on breaks than homework, his favorite excuse had never been a successful one among people that knew him well.

”Take your imaginary stuff with you then. Look, three minutes. I'm driving a car so I'm ending this call now.”

There was no time to disagree. Castiel grabbed his coat to go, yanking it on while closing the door with keys hanging between his teeth. His phone kept on vibrating in his pocket – a polite reminder of Dean's presence in his everyday affairs. A thought of them someday leaving a house, _their_ house, together crossed Castiel's mind and made him shiver. These thoughts had to go or they would make the inevitable fall that much higher.

Since it took Castiel a minute to get out, Gabriel was still nowhere to be seen. He let out a small steam cloud of breath and grabbed his phone. Six new messages…

” _I mean, it's cool to meet you.”_

” _I'm in trouble w my costume… Is there a thing called too much glitter?”_

” _Just kidding. My glitter addiction is in control and i will leave behind a tasteful cloud of FABULOUS”_

” _That sounded gay. Anyway any ideas how we should do this? It would be a shame to sink to photo exchange levels now… i mean we made it so far”_

Castiel shrugged for an answer, perfectly aware it wouldn't come across. He had once, half accidentally, seen a childhood photo of Dean Winchester – a black and white masterpiece still displayed on a photographer's website portfolio. So maybe he'd googled Dean's name and ended up there; witnessing ~~the love of his life~~ his pal sitting on a rocking horse, smiling without his front teeth in front of a cheap Western backdrop. Other than that, he had no idea what the guy looked like and he didn't really want to think about this because it raised his affection level for Dean onto a whole new level of creepy.

There were still two messages left.

” _Cas?”_

” _Oh shit… I wasn't insulting you with the gay thing right? Are you mad now? Are you on top of your own fabulous glitter cloud being mad at me? Are you pooping rainbows at my direction now? Is it over, Cas? Did I ruin it?”_

Castiel finished reading this message while getting in his brother's car so the snort he let out served as a greeting to Gabriel, too. He shot a scowl at Castiel, having learned a long time ago that his little brother fondly tapping his phone screen meant he couldn't be bothered with anything else for a while.

” _Yes, Dean, I'm insulted.”_

Letting himself smile at the roots of this elaborate joke, Castiel stared out the window for a while. When he'd come out to Dean, his hands had been shaking and the followed silence had made him sure this would be the end of it – or it at least would set a completely different mood for their whole relationship with him being a clingy desperate loverboy and Dean being the creeped out Straight(TM) male, too _nice_ to end their friendship. It'd turned out the silence had been caused by Dean trying to recall all those times he'd thrown the word ”gay” playfully into their conversations and no amount of words could describe how sorry he'd felt. ” _There's no way in hell I could ever insult you_ ”, he'd said and Castiel could almost hear his voice next to his ear, whispering and begging for forgiveness, _”if I've crossed a line here, let me know and I'll spend as long as it takes making it up to you.”_

Thinking about Dean's intensity still gave Castiel goosebumps.

Since he now was no longer tapping his phone, Gabriel took his opportunity knowing it might take ages for the next window to appear.

”We're getting hair chalk, wine, some chain, pizza and whatever you're having. We're getting a bit buzzed because you need to chill. Moreover, you need to be drunk enough to give your consent to my plans on you.”

”I am not putting on anything you're asking me to. I know your taste in costumes and I hardly feel like dressing up as a stripper version of the devil.”

Gabriel shrugged and his facial expression made Castiel smile. His brother was in a good mood and God knows Gabriel had been needing that for a while, his employment and relationship life being what it was – pathetic, as he himself declared.

”I mean, if you're not into that kind of thing –”

”I'm not.”

”What if Dean-o is, though?”

Castiel hissed loudly. ”What do you even mean?”

”Look, bro, as good as your poker face is”, Gabriel was emphasizing with a gesture that was his finger doing a circle around his own face, ”you're so nervous I could snap you in half like a twig. So either you're poured some starch on yourself or you finally promised to meet him.”

Castiel shook his head almost violently. ”Well, if he needs that to get him going, I might not want to meet up after all.”

”You'd dress up for him”, Gabriel said with a grin as he pulled up to a parking lot next to one of the larger markets in town, ”you would be his bitch.”

”Or he mine”, Castiel snapped and exited the car without waiting for a reply. When he met up with his brother next to the sliding doors of the store, he was already invested in his shopping list. _Hair chalk_ , though?

 

*

 

After three glasses of cheap red wine, Castiel was as good as drunk. Gabriel had brought along some of his friends that Castiel had maybe seen before but didn't know well enough to remember names. They were in various, deeper states of drunkenness, having chugged down a bottle of whiskey on the way here. _Waste of a good whiskey,_ Dean texted as Castiel updated him on the course of this evening, _but I would like to see you in costumes._

Castiel tried to shake the blush off his cheeks, failing miserably. Maybe it could be pinned on the wine. Before there was time to answer this message, a girl about Gabriel's age took both his hands, making the phone fall on the fluffy cushion he just sat on, and placed him awkwardly in front of a mirror.

”First off”, Gabriel announced, tone filled with absolute pride, ”I'm going to put you in a sequin dress.”

”What?” Castiel all but shouted. The girl giggled but her face was kind. ”Brother, are you serious?”

”Afraid so. If you don't like it, you can look at it as an experience. At least all of your follow-up costumes are an improvement.”

When Gabriel stepped into his closet which apparently held enough clothes for a whole theatre cast, Castiel picked up his phone and tapped another message to Dean.

” _Help me. Help. Me. I'll be wearing a sequin dress.”_

It was as if Dean was just waiting beside his phone.

” _What, tomorrow? Have you the legs to pull it off?”_

Castiel snickered.

” _No, not tomorrow. But as a starter for tonight.”_

” _Alright, so what's the trouble?_ _Not man enough to handle anything feminine?”_

” _You know it's not that”,_ Castiel had to phrase the following very carefully, tip-toeing around a subject that was way too sensitive to bring up now, _”it's… a middle school kind of situation.”_

Hopefully, Dean would know what he meant without having to explain.

Of course he did. He was a damn dream come true, after all.

” _It's unfair you've met circumstances like that and that some clothes and items have a bad rep forever. I wish I could heal you.”_

A smile that Castiel didn't know he was wearing caught Gabriel's eye as he returned to the room with a purple-shaded dress.

”Loverboy there?” he nodded towards the phone. ”Why am I even asking. Of course it is.”

”Not a loverboy”, Castiel sighed and made Gabriel groan in protest.

”Whatever. Get dressed.”

 

If Castiel had thought the dress would be bad, it was worse. As soon as it's on him, he's filled with images of his middle school locker room after the school dance, him being blocked from all directions by guys twice as big as him, chanting _Cassie, Cassie, Cassie,_ throwing a red sequin dress on the floor, making sure he wouldn't get anywhere without changing into it right there, in front of everyone and a video camera -

”Whoa, not cool”, the friendly girl whispered after catching Castiel's reflection in the mirror, his expression being a combination of utter horror and nausea, ”definitely not cool. Michelle, help me out here.”

Castiel was out of the dress in two seconds or less and thrown into his jeans and t-shirt that wasn't his and it was too big but so, so comfortable. After that, he thought it best to step outside for a second.

” _Dean_?”

” _Right here, sweetheart.”_

Castiel's heart thumped hard once, twice and then picked up the pace into a rhythm not entirely human. It was not the first time Dean used a word like this, but it was generally reserved for situations where he was a bit out of it – drunk, tired or tongue-on-cheek, for example. Now, for all Castiel knew, Dean was stone cold sober and it made the word mean a lot more.

” _I'm… I don't even… I'm sorry.”_

” _Was it bad?”_

” _It was the worst.”_

A slightly dramatic single tear fell on his phone screen. He hadn't even realized he was crying. With no real effort he wiped the screen on the t-shirt – this was Gabriel's old extra large sleeping shirt, he thought vaguely.

” _OK, let me try something, alright? All I'm asking you is to give me a shot to try something. Can you do that for me, Cas?”_

” _Yeah, I can.”_

” _No freaking out?”_

” _Whoa. Well now I surely am freaking out a bit.”_

” _Y o u p r o m i s e d”_

” _Alright. Go ahead.”_

Castiel waited for a second for something to happen and then his phone buzzed almost violently. Dean was _calling_. This made Castiel actually jump – never had he ever heard Dean's voice and this was an absolute disaster and it would only make everything worse and he thought he had until tomorrow to prepare for this -

But Dean had asked him to give a shot. And if he didn't trust Dean, his whole life was a lie. So, with a long sigh, he answered the call.

”Heya, Cas”, a voice, a goddamn voice of pure, rich milk chocolate perfection caught his ears, making him _swoon_ , ”I thought I… I thought I'd call you to let you know it's karaoke night at my neighboring bar and they're really putting the boring in the word as we speak. I can actually see the stiffness going on in there.”

Castiel sniffled, tears rolling freely now – but he was smiling.

”It's alright, I know. It's overwhelming. I thought karaoke can't be boring, too and it pains me to know I was wrong. By the way, you needn't say a thing”, Dean articulates carefully and Castiel's insides catch fire because he knows it's _just for him_ , ”I am perfectly fine. I can keep on a conversation by myself. No pressure. My costume is finished and my apartment's a mess and I want to escape life forever.”

”I know the feeling”, Castiel said and pressed his hand on his mouth – he wasn't planning to talk. Dean stayed quiet for a moment and then his voice was there again, with an obvious amount of fond added.

”Hey there.”

”Hello, Dean.” He sniffled again.

”Hey, Cas.”

Silence fell and Castiel spent it breathing steam and trying to catch a glimpse of the stars that were hiding. This was the most comfortable silence in his life; like a blanket of dark velvet carefully placed on top of both of them and everything else was gone.

”I'm… I'm going to have to go inside now. I think… I think my brother will kill me if I don't.”

”Yeah”, Dean's voice was quieter now, like he was as overwhelmed by the silence as Castiel was, ”yeah, can't let that happen. I mean, we're meeting tomorrow and all.”

Instead of horror, Castiel was filled with something else. Was it… could it be _joy_? He wrapped his free arm around his body, trying to grasp and contain it and keep it safe until later.

”Yeah. Meeting. Dean, thank you for calling.”

”It was an absolute pleasure.”

Before spiralling into a dream in which Castiel could be lucky enough to end up in a no-you-hang-up -situation, he ended the call and returned inside. Gabriel was there to meet him with a smile that was half smug and half apologetic.

”Ready for round two?”

 

*

 

Castiel woke up with a stupid smile on his face, letting himself float in dreamland for a moment longer – in his dreams, Dean loved him back and wanted to crawl in a self-made velvet blanket fortress with him to never return to the cold world outside.

He was lying in his brother's couch and had to focus for a while to remember anything that wasn't Dean's perfect voice and the way he used words for him.

_Oh_. It was the day.

It was the day when Castiel would dress up as a – he had to admit it – eeriely beautiful interpretation of a caged bird and meet Dean Winchester.

They'd all agreed on the costume, finally – he'd put on a half mask with a long, bent beak, chalk his hair silver, wear a black long-sleeved shirt with some well-fitting black jeans and get wrapped in the delicate brass chains Gabriel had bought yesterday. Then it'd be full-on panic until he'd meet Dean and after that – he had to brace himself for it to end.

_Way to start a morning,_ _Novak_ , he thought to himself, _you're rolling in self-hate before getting up._ Then, with a stretch and a yawn, he was up.

 

They'd decided to meet up with some friends from yesterday, get some coffee and more pizza and even though Castiel couldn't eat a bite, he enjoyed the atmosphere of an authentic pizza restaurant and a spacious round table. He absend-mindedly shared his experiences through the phone, but Dean was ominously quiet. Castiel tried to tell himself it was fine – he was just busy preparing himself, possibly throwing a little party with his friends before leaving for the college that hosted the masquerade this year. His silence had nothing to do with having second thoughts and neither did it mean he didn't enjoy their First Ever Phone Call yesterday… Right? _He hated your voice_ , Castiel told himself, _your voice is not exactly milk chocolate dream material._ Biting his lip, he felt his insides wrench and twist. Tonight he'd let himself go through all these thoughts. Tonight he'd hate himself as much as he needed. As for before that, he would just enjoy himself and -

A tall man came to a halt next to the table and first Castiel thought it was the waiter, but he wasn't wearing a uniform and he looked way too awkward eyeing them. For a while his eyes lingered on Gabriel and he pulled his lips to a bright half-smile.

”Yes, can we help you?” Michelle asked and the guy jumped.

”Ah, yes. Maybe you could! Is Castiel here?”

Castiel, who was currently trying to catch an ice cube from his drink, lifted his eyes to meet the man's. He made an expression Castiel could not read – a mix between a frown and… admiration?

”Hey”, he said and presented his hand for shaking, ”I'm Sam.”

Castiel's jaw dropped a bit and he stared at the hand, considering whether to run or face the situation he never thought would actualize. This was Sam, as in this was Dean's brother Sam, a lawyer-in-the-making, an awkward but lovable nerd who was so important to Dean it made Gabriel look bad with his half-assed brotherly love. He was there, standing in front of Castiel, in a pizza place they'd chosen randomly and -

Wait, was he here to meet Castiel?

”Hello”, he could finally blurt, ”hello, Sam.”

He took his hand and gripped it tight. Was this the closest he'd been to Dean so far?

”I was told that you'd be here”, Sam said and pushed both of his hands into his pockets before pulling out a transparent glow stick that was filled with glitter stars, ”apparently, you need to be recognized in UV lights.”

Castiel could actually feel himself blush and it was something he wasn't used to. With a short thought of _how can some guy have this effect on me_ he took the glowstick and gave Sam a smile.

”Thank you so much, Sam. I… Will I be the only one recognizable in there?”

”Would you wish to be?”

Castiel shook his head. ”No, I would prefer it being a mutual game of hide and seek.”

”That's what it will be then. If you'll excuse me, I've got a warm-up party to attend to.”

With a nod, he was out the door. Castiel could feel Gabriel's eyes boring a hole on his cheek but he deliberately ignored that and gave his pizza another shot. The glowstick was now wrapped around his wrist and he intended to keep it that way until tonight was over. It made him feel giddy and… No, nothing else – his thought trail was way too embarrassing to even go through.

 

Eventually they headed back to Gabriel's apartment to gear up and get ready. Pizza gossip,

although mostly ignored by Castiel, had made the time fly and it was close to six PM already; Gabriel stated he should be well on his way to be getting drunk by now. They made a stop at the nearby liquor store to fill up on supplies and although Castiel didn't really admire himself for needing a drink or two before relaxing enough, at least he could give himself credit for not being a complete drunk. His brother was well on his way and would eventually need an intervention.

As they arrived home, Dean finally said something.

” _Apparently there are people. It's two hours until opening and there are people already in line so it's going to be PACKED in there. You know what, I'm going to eat some more of the delicious pizza my brother brought me today.”_

Castiel fell backwards to the couch and let the familiar, yet overwhelming sensation that was Dean cover his senses for a while. Sighing, he formed a reply.

” _If your brother told you anything about my appearance, I will be so mad- Scratch that, but I hope he at least complimented my ass.”_

” _As far as I'm aware, you were sitting on your ass. And no, I FORBADE him from saying anything. We need to be an united front, as scared as the other one when we play hide and seek. What's the point of Halloween if nobody is scared?”_

The girl who was nice to Castiel yesterday found a seat next to her. She was wearing a halo and it was sparkling slowly. Little LED lights inside a cable. Castiel frowned at it, but returned his gaze to his phone immediately after.

”What?” the girl asked. ”You don't want to hang out with me?”

Her voice was still kind.

”It's not that.”

Castiel's voice was snappy even though that wasn't intended.

”Ah, it's the-” the girl gestured towards her halo and slowly took it off. ”It's alright, this is about how angel as I'm going to get.”

Castiel squinted. ”How'd you know?”

”We… We had a little talk with Gabriel while you were out last night. He… He told us what happened with the dress. And- And the angels. Please don't be mad at him, we were all really freaked out and I think he thought you've made so much progress in the last years you'd be over it by now.”

”Well, obviously I'm not”, Castiel said, biting his lip. He wanted to escape this – no matter how. ”And pity is something I have no use for.”

”Oh I know. So. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be the only one with a halo tonight. Some may even have wings. How are you planning to deal with that?”

 

Castiel still had no answer to this. When Dean had first asked him to come to the Halloween masquerade, he had first thought about how much he ~~loved~~ liked Dean and then angel costumes. There would be so many angel costumes. He'd have to navigate through dozens of white wings and possibly get stuck in halos and he knew the hall was huge; if he panicked somewhere in there, it would take a lifetime to exit.

All of this had started in middle school – around the same year the sequin dress incident took place. In December his school had decided to make a big deal out of Christmas because the year had been good on them. Some students had written a play in which most of the other students were told to participate in. Castiel had been chosen to take care of the make-up department, which kind of came naturally for him because his big sister was studying cosmetology. Right?

Well, it had definitely not been a good idea. It didn't take long until he'd started getting messages, anonymously delivered, into his locker. The first one he'd thought to be an accident; it was just an ad to some local church-related event considering angels, the headline being _”Angels will guide you home”_. It had been followed by _”Angels will help you get normal”_ , _”Angels know you're a sinner”_ , _”Angels prefer their men as men”_ , a picture of Castiel in the sequin dress and finally _”The Angels are coming for you, Castiel Novak”_.

It had been meticulous, calculated, brutal and haunting all at the same time, and after the Christmas Play, walking home alone on the lonely streets, his schoolmates still in their angel outfits had indeed come for him.

Castiel had known he wasn't what was wrong in his school. He'd known there was nothing wrong with him and getting bullied was a product of the bullies' own insecurities. This had helped him during daytimes but nights were a whole different matter – he'd wake up drenched in sweat, words of begging escaping his mouth. Eventually, he'd projected his fears and bitterness into angels; after all, they were always present in his nightmares. After all these years, it was still a hate/fear experience for him.

Dean was the first person outside his school that ever got to know the story. It'd taken them three nights online; it was surprisingly hard for Castiel to put his experience into words. The amount of support and soothing words and _praise_ he had gotten from Dean – he still carried that warmth inside him. If he hadn't already ~~been in love with~~ liked Dean then, that would surely have made him fall.

 

The kind girl had let Castiel off the hook now, returning to chat with people who actually responded. Frowning, Castiel checked his phone again – was there something he had to answer? Dean had already sent another message, though.

” _Are you nervous?”_

” _Guess, assbutt.”_

Dean responded with an emoji that represented an information desk clerk and Castiel had, after a lot of confusion, already found out it was mostly used for a whole other purpose. He sent an emoji of a peach to put emphasis on the assbutt. Before they could get further into an emoji fight, Gabriel called Castiel over – it was time to dress up.

 

*

 

Dean had not been kidding. When Castiel's group arrived at the college, fashionably late, the lines had already vanished but a lot of people were smoking, drinking or chatting outside. Castiel had been well aware this was the kind of party he wanted to have nothing to do with and now it seemed more blatantly obvious than ever – but then again, he was feeling good about his outfit. It made him anonymous and he also had to admit Gabriel was right – not being dressed up in tons of layers made his runner's build stand out in a way that he was content with. This was a decent costume to meet Dean in.

_This was a decent costume for this to end._

Castiel shook his head. _H_ _ow pathetic can you get_?

If it'd looked like it would be packed from the outside, it was a mess inside. Halloween-related decorations such as spider webs, pumpkin cutouts, pulp ghosts and fluorescent skeletons were hanging from the roof and some people were dancing and it all seemed a bit too awkward because it was impossible to take more than two steps without bumping into someone. Castiel had never been a dancer. Was Dean a dancer?

” _That's not me hanging from the ceiling”_ , Dean had texted, possibly addressing to the skeleton matter, _”_ _are you here already? Are you staring at me from somewhere, deciding it was better not to get into this glitter mess after all?”_

Something in the way Dean phrased his concern right now made Castiel's chest stir. There was a hint of _flirt_ in it. Nah, he must be imagining it. However, his answer was definitely not less flirty.

” _There's so little you could do to not make me want to get into your glitter mess. We only just arrived, so in a year or less we'll find ourselves a table.”_

As if the universe was feeling Castiel's vibes and they were a little too comfortable right now, a girl in an angel costume appeared next to him. She was beaming at her phone and everything in her, from her flaming red hair to her Lord of the Rings replica ring screamed _friendly_ and _kind_ and _comfortable to hang out with,_ but Castiel still had to take a step back, his stomach feeling heavy. That was when the girl met his eyes and squinted.

”Hello”, she said tentatively, looking in his eyes, ”everything alright?”

Castiel shrugged. Before he could form words, Gabriel was there in all his fireman-reaper glory.

”We're leaving”, he said, saving his brother's ass, ”nice costume. Excuse us.”

Before Gabriel yanked him away in the crowd that still seemed to be thickening, the girl caught a glimpse of Castiel's glow stick bracelet. She gasped and took a step forward but shook her head then, retreating. Castiel frowned at the sight, but then they were already in the main hall, seated comfortably at a table next to the buffet. The punch was black and they apparently also served separated fingers. Someone was gnawing one and it was more disturbing to listen to than to actually look at, but then the music picked up in both pace and volume. Michelle took Gabriel dancing and Castiel stayed behind with two people still sitting on his table – the kind girl and some guy that was not having pizza today. It really was a shame he didn't know their names, but he couldn't blame himself – Dean tended to take most of his time and even more so now that everything was intensifying.

” _So many variations of witches here tonight. Both the classical pointy hat and the more contemporary Harry Potter kind. I'm up here and can see EVERYTHING. Are you a witch today, Cas?”_

Castiel automatically looked up to the open-concept second floor that held some classrooms, but now it was dark up there – the dance floor and buffet and tables were down here, but for all other purposes such as _stalking your Internet friend_ those heights served nicely. He could make out quite a lot of human forms over the spotlights on the walls, but not as much as costumes, let alone faces. He hoped the lights on himself were dim enough.

” _No, I'm not a witch, Dean. Try again.”_

” _Give me a hint.”_

” _YOU give ME a hint.”_

Dean said nothing more, so Castiel pocketed his phone and looked around. Halloween parties had always kind of been out of his reach, not having the friends or the interest to join them earlier. It was nice, for a change, to feel like everyone else. Being able to go unrecognized furthered the pleasant experience and with a sudden burst of braveness, Castiel got up from his seat.

”I'm going to see if I find anyone I know”, he stated absent-mindedly and the nice girl grabbed her arm.

”Be careful out there, OK?”

Castiel smiled and nodded. Did she genuinely care about his friend's little brother like this? It felt good.

Starting comfortably next to a wall, Castiel headed towards the stairs that led to the second floor. He didn't plan on going straight up there to meet Dean, but there would be no harm in pinpointing him and collecting his bravery afterwards. He decided to grab a glass of punch to go, which he regretted immediately – it tasted like licorice, but saltier and was also definitely alcoholic. As he found the stairs, he decided to linger next to the railing for now. He checked his phone, but it stayed silent.

 

After ten minutes, Castiel felt a shudder run down his spine. Someone had tried to come talk to him, leaving pretty soon after realizing Castiel really sucked at small talk. It wasn't that incident that now set him a bit off and neither was it the admiring glances shot his way – he felt he was reaching the limits of his social stamina. It was loud, hot and overwhelming and he could text Dean to meet him outside but then again maybe it'd be better to just leave and let their relationship die slowly instead of with a bang that still, in Castiel's mind, was inevitably coming. Just as he turned and shot a final glance up the stairs, he saw them.

Three angels were descending the stairs, laughing loudly at a joke that was apparently The Best in All of the Creation Ever and even though they were all wearing elaborate, pearly-white masquerade masks, Castiel could recognize the red hair of the girl he saw in the crowd earlier. She threw her hand around the neck of the guy walking next to him, carefully avoiding hitting his wings. As Castiel saw the fluorescent glow stick, identical to his own, in the guy's head worn as a halo, he felt his blood escape his face – hell, his whole body, completely. He stood there, frozen in time, for too long and only vaguely noticed his hands sliding his own glow stick off his wrist and wrapping it around the thin railing before he could be seen. After this, his legs sort of worked, but walking through the crowd felt like running laps on a swamp. Heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy. _Now, Novak, you're going to get out of here and you're eventually going to cry but, for god's sake, not_ _yet_ _._

The door he got out of wasn't the front one and he ended up in the backyard next to some carved pumpkins. Lanterns were hanging from trees and tables were brought out for people to enjoy themselves. Castiel continued pacing forward until he was on the edge of a football field that the college apparently used but it wasn't technically on their turf – the last lanterns were placed here on the branches of a silver willow tree. He crouched down, wrapped his arms around his legs and, as a little ball, tried to stop existing. The feeling deep inside him was like his soul had exploded into a million sharp pieces that were puncturing his vital organs and his bloodstream was filled with glass wool that burned so bad he wanted to -

Of course it had all been a joke, a prank, a new way to bully and torture him. Castiel, swaying a little front and back now, tried to remember the exact moment he'd become blind to that. At first, all those years ago, Dean had taken such interest in him and what he had to say; Castiel had thought it to be alarming because no-one had ever done that before. Too soon, he'd become blind to all his doubts and fallen for the guy, head over heels, way too deep way too fast. One part in Castiel's mind wondered how Dean could have kept this going for so long – but then again, they had never met before and he probably wanted the cut to reach as deep as possible. Well, he'd nailed it. Castiel was now, in more ways than one, dead. He had imagined this ending on a sad note, but his was something he wasn't even able to picture.

He felt his phone buzz vigorously but paid no mind. It must be a disappointment to Dean that Castiel exited as swiftly as he did – he didn't get the chance to humiliate him in front of everyone. The messages flowing into his phone probably meant he was still trying to keep his act up. Castiel bet Dean had a ton of explanations ready for the situation.

It didn't help to remember exactly how stunning Dean had looked – even though he had only partial knowledge of his face now. Like… Like an actual angel.

Castiel shuddered again and started to fiddle with the grass below him. How much longer until Gabriel wanted to leave? Should he walk home?

”Excuse me?”

A voice behind him. A beautiful voice filled with tones and hues for days, full-on milk chocolate symphony. Castiel could feel all his muscles stiffen, but he stubbornly kept on fondling the grass. Dean cleared his throat, not knowing what to say next. This made Castiel frown. Wasn't he supposed to have all his answers lined up and ready?

”I… Uh. Can I have a seat? Charlie saw you earlier and she told me what kind of a bird to look for out here.”

”There's chairs”, Castiel snapped, ”right over where you can't see because of your heartless ego.”

Wow, that was a low point in his verbal history. He wasn't sure if that even meant anything, but Dean snickered nonetheless. Then he had a seat a respectable distance away and Castiel could hear his brain engines roaring. As for himself, he thought of Charlie – of course, he'd heard about Dean's best friend and now he had a picture to go with the mental image, too. In a different timeline, he'd been looking forward to meeting the girl, because all stories of her were impressive.

Dean spoke.

”Could you… May I have you at least look at me?”

”Should have thought about that before dressing up like the damn reaper.”

He heard Dean sigh. A faint scent of- of something that smelled a bit like soap bubbles came Castiel's way and made him shiver. Was it really necessary for his heart to still be beating like this for a traitor? Silence stretched out and it was far from comfortable.

”Can I ask you something?” Castiel asked. From the corner of his eye, he could see Dean nod.

”How could you keep it up for so long? Didn't you want to punch yourself in the face every time you talked to me?”

Another silence fell, in which Castiel finally turned his defiant gaze to Dean. Even in low light he looked stunning, his full lips slightly parted and genuine confusion in his stunning forest green eyes and the amount of glitter in his wings made him seem ethereal. Dean mouthed a silent ”what” before realization sweeped over his expression.

”No, no, no, no, no”, he said then and there was a tangible edge to his voice now, ”no no no no no no no.”

He crawled to sit in front of Castiel, lifting his hand to touch his face and then faltering there, waiting for permission that he didn't get. Castiel was looking away again, he had no reason to trouble himself with seeing Dean from this distance. It would feel like getting stabbed.

”Oh my ruffle-feathered cage bird, you've got it so wrong”, Dean whispered, his voice was broken in a way that was only an inch away from crying; he was begging, Castiel realized, and if this was all a joke, it was sure as hell that nobody was laughing, ”but I won't take a second of your time if you don't want me to do so.”

Castiel frowned and couldn't keep himself from meeting Dean's eyes now. A visible shock travelled through the green-eyed angel.

”That's too much blue to take in right now”, he said, and his voice broke yet again as he lowered his gaze, ”you didn't tell me you stole all the blue in the world for yourself, you selfish thing you.”

Was this man _flirting_ with Castiel just now? That was definitely flirting, placed in the worst possible moment ever.

”Fine, talk”, Castiel sighed from between his teeth. He threw his arms around his chest now – an attempt to protect whatever was left in there.

”I understand how mean this looks to you right now. I kind of hoped you'd at least talk to me before making up your mind. Haven't we known each other long enough for you to owe me that?”

”Don't you dare make this about me.”

Dean waved his hands nervously.

”I would _never_ ”, he said, ”now, listen to me. I know how much of your energy this thing takes. I know you're not even beginning your long way through all of the mess you've left unattended but eventually that's going to be in front of you. Please tell me you knew that.”

Castiel shrugged. ”Most likely, but I'm willing to take the chance.”

”And like I said last night… I wish I could heal you and I know damn well I can't do that. I know you don't need me to. I know you're a strong person and I don't mean to know your things better than you do. But what I can give you is this. Look at me, please.”

Castiel obeyed and instantly felt like he was being punched in the gut. Dean's eyes were glistening, they were full of -

No way. Not possible. _No way._

Dean lifted his hand and this time, Castiel's instict was to lean against his touch. They never broke eye contact and it felt safer than anything. The warm velved blanket was gently falling on them again and it felt so close to home it made Castiel dizzy.

”I can give you an angel's not like the rest of them. I can- I can give you a whole different experience on them.” He exhaled quietly, retreating and averting his gaze now, trying to find the courage to continue. ”I can give you an angel that adores you.”

Castiel gasped softly. This felt surreal, this wasn't actually happening – but even though Castiel was mostly an idiot, there was _too much_ of _everything_ going on for him to just sweep it under the rug and stubbornly hold onto his martyr scenario of unrequited ~~love~~ like. His insides felt like they were on fire again but this time it was a combination of joy and relief, a soothing balm to relieve prior wounds. Empowered by this, Castiel gently touched Dean's chin to make their eyes meet again – although the back of his trauma-ridden brain alarmed him to stop the movement.

”Hello, Dean”, he said. Dean's lips twitched a little; almost a smile.

”Hey, Cas.”

Castiel felt he could set off flying right about now – like a caged bird version of a helium balloon. Gently, he leaned in to remove Dean's mask. In the dim light of the furthest lanterns, he could see constellations of freckles across his face and had to force himself to stop so he wouldn't kiss some of them. Of course, he hadn't completely forgotten about the angel costume, but for now, he decided to make it work.

Castiel stood up, making Dean follow him immediately. He unwrapped the brass chains off himself and threw one loop around Dean's neck, leaving his hands linger on the other man's shoulders. Looking in Dean's eyes, there was no doubt in Castiel's mind that this wouldn't be mutual, these ridiculous internal fireworks caused by the touch.

”I guess”, Castiel sighed, making his voice sound a bit strained on purpose, ”I _could_ let one more angel guide me home.”

”But I need to be contained, right”, Dean said, gesturing to his chains. This was an opportunity for some low level sexual innuendos, but his voice was full of fondness and admiration. Castiel nodded.

”You have to earn your trust.”

Dean lifted his hands slowly to finally take Castiel's beaked mask off. Doing that, he let his fingertips caress Castiel's cheeks so lightly it felt like tiny fireflies – but also firecrackers.

”Son of a bitch”, Dean sighed. ”All of this time, and I had no idea of how beautiful you-”

Castiel let his hands slide on both of Dean's cheeks and leaned in, making the other man lose his train of thought. He went in so close their foreheads were pressed together and let Dean close the remaining distance.

And if Castiel thought just being around Dean was fireworks, this was the inside of an electric hurricane – Dean's soft and warm and soap-bubble tasting lips pressed firmly against his and right there, under the silver willow tree and lanterns and Halloween night, he was pretty sure his angel just showed him Heaven. As they slowly parted, Dean took Castiel's hand and traced his wrists with his fingertips before he slid the glowstick back into place. This time, Castiel felt sure enough to go through the thought he'd had before; this felt like commitment.

So, yeah. Castiel could definitely let one more angel guide him home.


End file.
